Was reading where Aaron B. Tobey was recently arrested at an airport security checkpoint for stripping to his skivvies in protest of the molestations and x-ray invasions going on in the name of national security. I don’t really see how the authorities can equivocate between someone getting down to their briefs and the actual gropings performed by the security staff. If it is disorderly to wear underwear in public it most certainly must be disorderly to grope a freakin’ nun.
Furthermore I don’t see anything whatsoever being offensive about this young man stripping to his skivvies.
Anyway there is nothing I can do about the police state except snark at it and submit to it when necessary — the government will get its way because they monopolize violence; disobey them and go to jail. However the story made me think of a better idea for conducting these screening sessions if they absolutely must be done. Here’s how it works: If you are singled out for screening you go to a private room with no cameras and strip down nekkid or maybe just to your skivvies, citizen’s choice. There is only one highly trained screener allowed inside the room who will see and touch your naughty bits and the screener is bound by civil contract and law not to reveal anything inside the screening room which is not pertinent to national security. That includes anything said and any displays of self touching.
Now it is important that there be a nice assortment of screeners available because the deal is that the citizen gets to pick which screener they want to feel their naughty bits– er, I mean screen them — and the screener must get nekkid or down to skivvies as well, citizen’s choice, prior to the screening. There would be an area where the available screeners can lounge so the citizens flagged for screening can peruse them and decide which they prefer to feel them up.
The screeners get to pick their own “uniforms”. I’m sure there would be the occasional standard security screener uniform (and the occasional passenger who would choose that screener) along with the inevitable schoolgirls, construction workers, maids, power executives, leather, lingerie… whatever enhances their ability to perform their job to their utmost efficiency. Me, I kinda like white stockings.
For the screening positions I would suggest hiring college students, male and female strippers, hot wives, horny teachers… you get the picture. Hire only those who are the most enthusiastic about the type of service they will be performing foe their country. Just make sure there is something for everyone. In addition to a small base salary, perhaps minimum wage, screeners are allowed to take tips up to $25, negotiable of course, but get paid $1000 for every serious threat they root out. Screen 6 to 10 people an hour and find the occasional perp on a no-fly list or carrying a bomb and that is some serious scratch.
Model the whole airport security area on Lady Suzy’s House and the cream of the crop of security screeners would quickly rise to the top and and our national security would be firmly in hand and all but the most puritanical would quit bitching about being groped. People would start to arrive at the airport early so they can mingle in the Parlor and have a drink or two and maybe flirt a little around the piano.
A Happy Ending at airport security for 25 bucks. What a bargain.
UPDATE: Or you could just Fly Naked. Or maybe not.